Dear Dr. Karyn,
My 16-year-old son just finished school and is wasting his summer away watching TV and playing video games. I think he should learn the value of a summer job and I really want it to be his choice. How do I get him motivated?

Answer:
I agree with you, the experience of working a summer job can teach your son many important lessons like time management, the value of money and social skills. A part-time job can also help develop a sense of responsibility and a healthy self-esteem. You are wise not to push the decision on your son. Teenagers who are forced by their parents to find jobs often feel frustration and resentment and this can have a detrimental effect on parent-child communication. The best thing to do in this situation is set up natural consequences for your son; give him a reason to want a job. As a parent, you need to clarify exactly what you will pay for and what your son will be responsible for. This, of course, will vary from situation to situation and will be directly affected by age. In my experience, some parents make it too easy on their children, providing money for whatever their hearts desire. At the age of 16, it is completely fair to sit down and decide, for example, that you will pay for school supplies and clothing but he is now responsible for social expenses. When your son runs out of money, he will be motivated to find a job.

How do You Motivate Teens to get Their License?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
I can't motivate my son to get his license. Should I make him get it?

Answer:
Parents cannot control teen motivation. What parents can do, however, is highlight the rewards and emphasize the consequences. The lack of motivation in adolescents, in this case especially, may be due to a few reasons. Some teens are just lazy. It's easier to keep getting free rides from parents and friends than to go out and do the driving test. If this is the case, it's important not to enable the low motivation. Tell your son he can get only so many free rides a week and the rest of the time he'll have to find his own means of transportation. Take a step back and allow your child to experience the consequences of not having a license first-hand. Other teens have told me they are afraid which decreases their motivation. Some teens are afraid to fail the test, afraid of the responsibility or afraid of the independence. It's really important we don't push our teens to take this responsibility if they are not ready for it. Wait for the right time to discuss this and invest your energy and time listening to their fears. Don't offer solutions or advice for a while. Listen first before you share your opinion.

How Can I get My Teen Motivated to Find a Part Time Job?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
How can I get my son motivated to find a part-time job? What’s the trick?

Answer:
Many parents wonder how they can motivate their teen to get a part-time job. But as one teen told me, “Karyn, we need to have a reason to do something like that. We need to be motivated.” He was completely right. Motivation to have a job can come from either external sources, e.g., to earn some extra money or to stop the nagging from their parents, or from internal sources, e.g., belonging to a team, making a difference, improve skills. Although research has shown that internal motivation is much more effective than external motivation, external motivators are also important. One of the greatest motivators for teens to get a part-time job is that they have to – they simply have no other way to get money of their own. If you as a parent are encouraging your teen to get a part-time job, it’s important for you to be very clear about what you will and won’t pay for. If you are paying for all their spending money, clothing, trips, and entertainment, there will be no reason for them to get a job – why would they? Also, let them do the work of preparing and sending out resumes - don’t do it for them. One of the best ways to make teens hunger for success or achieving is not to make it too easy for them. If they obtain a job through your efforts, how motivated will they be to try and keep it? Instead, empower them to do their own job search, be clear on your money boundaries and stick to it. Nagging your teen to get a job will likely not work. But if they learn that the only way for them to have money is to work for it, this creates a powerful reason to find a part-time job.